......continued
Okay so that wasn't such a long pause.
I have to write about one thing that has been driving me up the wall for around a year now. It involves the love life of a close friend.
Now generally, as a rule I try not to voice my opinion on the love life of friends.
Generally, it isn't really such a hot idea to say to your buddy,
"Man your girlfriend sucks! And not in the good way! I mean that freakshow is a BI-ATCH! You know what I'm sayin?"
Generally, this would be a bad thing.
Generally, You reserve these comments for after the break up when the friend will heartily agree with you and such comments will reaffirm his feelings that the breakup was a good thing.
Generally....
Well folks I no longer have the self restraint to hold back these comments.
Cam, your girlfriend is a BI-ATCH!!
In fact, there have been times when, after hearing 'the latest', I have found pleasure in visualizing 'talking some sense into her' in an exquisitely painful way. (It's okay for me to say this because I am a girl you see)
Okay a little background information for people in the dark.
Cam is one of those rare guys who actually has a lot of respect for women and understands them. He is an amazingly reliable, honest and trustworthy friend. Someone you can tell anything to. He treats his friends and his girlfriend like gold. I can't say enough good things about this guy.
Unfortunately his girlfriend Kelli never appreciated what she had and still drags his heart through the mud.
Well you all know what I must do.
I am sorry, I hate to have to do this to everyone but it is my only option.
I have tried to be understanding.
I have tried to stand by and watch while things work themselves out.
But I can do this no longer.
I'm bringin' out the Big Guns.
IT'S HAIKU TIME BABY!!

Haiku For Crapface Kelli

watching from the fence
caging to feed vanity
you selfish heartless loser crapface kelli how can you live with yourself when you break so many guys hearts you don't deserve any love at all get lost, be by yourself for a while and grow the fuck up!

.....*sigh* ....ahhhh I feel so much better now. Again, the last line limitation of 5 syllables had to be done away with.
There is nothing I can do about this.
I am an artist.
*shrug*

Hello Everyone.
Wow here's something crazy. If you are getting hitched on short notice (or have been excommunicated from most religions in your area) This is for you!
A Giant Inflatable Church!!
Convenient like a male prostitute, this church can be rented and erected at a moments notice!
Pretty cool idea.
A large black dog followed me home today. I know where it lives but the poor thing lives like a stray, wandering lost and lonely, terrified of people.
I showed incredible restraint. I did not find and destroy the owners, hide their bodies, claim that the dog is a stray and keep her. I told the dog to go home.
What? Me have a problem? I don't think so.
Sometimes I fear for the world that I might become senile one day.
Anyway, my poor neglected pooch is currently staring accusingly between me and her empty food dish.
More later.

Hello Everyone.
There has been an awful lot of commenting going on in my forum lately.
Yay.
I notice that there are people who become registered users who never comment. Sort of the shy wallflower type I guess.
Todays newest registered user is "pumpmonkey".
Should I be afraid?
Pumpmonkey. What the hell does that mean? Do I want to know?
Pumpmonkey, I think you had better explain yourself.
All these comments flying around have inspired me to take up my abandoned quest of getting famous people to comment in my forum.
So if anyone out there happens to be a friend of, live down the street from, or be currently stalking William Shatner, could you please mention my site and let him know that I am eagerly awaiting a comment.
Also if anyone would like to pose as a famous person, I am up for that to.
I bumped into a friend from highschool today whom I haven't seen for about 10 years. It made me think about how much everyone, including myself, changes overtime. Some people never change. They are exactly the same idiots they were in grade 12. I think it's the people who have been through a bit of hardship or trouble who change the most.
I also think the change is usually for the better.
On another note. Derek and I went to look at bikes yesterday. We need to upgrade. Whaddaya think? Drool Drool Drool!
Anyway, that's it for now. Until next time.
Later.

Morning Everyone!
Well, it's been another eventful week here. I went to my very first RPG meeting last week.
(You can't really be called a geek unless you have played an RPG now can you?)
The Call of Cthulhu, set in the 1920's.
I am a female flighty artist type with powerful psychic abilities, Ninja fighting skills, loads of money and I carry a 10 inch silver cross with me at all times because I thought that if I got the chance to kill something with it that would be cool.
Oh come on! Of course that's realistic!
I mean, how many artists do you know that aren't rich psychic ninjas?

I know, I know I haven't written in a long time. It's just that I have been really busy.
Okay that's a crappy excuse. The truth is I just haven't felt like it.
Life has been a tad tumultuous lately.
A quick run down on the week:
Started looking for part time graphic design work to boost our income a bit. Our business has been a bit slow lately, with the economy in the shitter and everything.
Vancouver held an anti war rally with zucchinis. The slogan of the day was Zukes not Nukes. Picture that if you will, a herd of hemp wearing, zuke shaking, misopolemicals trying to get people to take them seriously.
I did my part. I stayed at home and watched Trinity the nuclear bomb movie.
So.... why are we trying to save the human race again?
It was Emma's birthday.
She is one.
We took her out to buy presents.
She picked up another dogs poop in her mouth.
I have not the words. (Helen surrenders)
Sigh....teenagers.
She is just going through a phase. A coprophagia phase. It'll pass. If it doesn't, she's going to have to live in a giant hamster ball for the rest of her life.
The shuttle exploded upon re-entry as I'm sure you have all heard. It's a terrible shame too lose a group of such brilliant people.
It was quite a shock to hear about it.
It was even more of a shock, however, to learn (as reported on CNN NEWS) that, upon exploding, the shuttle was travelling almost 18 times the speed of light!
Myyyyyy goodness! 18 times you say!
That there light from the explosion was travlin' 18 times the speed'o light!
Duh! The shuttle can't travel that fast without an infinite probability drive! Anyone knows that!
Michelson and Morley roll in their graves.
Derek and I are going to be working on the Bear Mountain challenge website. It's a downhill bike race incase you didn't know. This should be a fun project. Right now I have to run. There's a new strongbad e-mail.
You see? Always so much to do. Later.

Evening Everyone.
Just ignore this weeks outburst of melodramatic angst and carry on about your business. I was just having one of those days. You know how it is.
Those days when a Haiku doesn't cut it, when you want to shake your fist at the empyreal powers that be. Well I shook my fist and I feel much better.

I read an interesting article today. Read it, it's pretty eye opening. Our education system needs help. I have a friend who is a teacher. There are 30 children in his class and he has 5 math text books.
But that's okay because the inmates have cable. Anyway, there is a beer in the fridge calling me so that's it for now. Later.

Morning Everyone.
Well the creative block has stuck with me though I have taken extreme measures to shake it off. Tenacious bastard.
These 'extreme measures' include experimenting with mind altering drugs.
I have one word of advice to anyone out there who might be brave enough to venture along the same road: Don't mix Neo Citron Night Time Hot Lemon with Buckleys Mixture DM.
That was one .....bad....trip man. You don't wanna go down there.
Seriously though, speaking of drug trips, it reminds me of something that happened to me once. First of all I need to take a little detour. You see I found out the other day that my Dad reads my blog. (Hi Dad)

Now at this point I could do one of 3 things: cramp my style, live in denial about the fact that he is reading, or write all my stories in the third person and hope that he doesn't realize that I am talking about myself.
I think I will choose the denial route, if it gets really bad possibly a little hypnosis and memory cleansing.
Anyway, back to my drug story. I don't do drugs, not because I disagree with them, it's just that I never seem to be able to get around to it. I am not talking about drugs like Crack or even ecstasy.
Anything that can kill you or do permanent damage to your brain isn't in my list of fun pastimes. Oh wait, I mountain bike. Never mind.
Back to my story, which is about the one time that I (I mean this girl that I know) tried mushrooms about 5 years ago.
There were about 5 of us in a park all hooped on them. I was gazing in rapture at the complexity of the leaves in the trees and noticing with wonder that they appeared to become pixelated and display artifacts just like a computer trying to play a movie and chunking out.
Suddenly the guy next to me says, woah man.... the treeeeees.....they're like....all in digital man. I asked him to clarify, amazed that he was seeing the same thing as me, "yeah man like all little squares like on a computer" "Yeah man...." "yeah.....coool" ".....yeah....." "Hey look that chicks hairs on fire man".
Okay so my point is, how was it that we were both hallucinating the same thing? With out previously discussing it. I have since come up with several theories.
What if, the universe as we know it, is a complex program or matrix (yes something like the movie) Our perception of it works like a computer playing a DiVX file. Certain drugs interfere with our perception which causes artifacts like in a low bit rate DiVX. Not necessarily like chunking out, I don't think it's a bandwidth problem, it's more like a degradation of quality, just a lower bit rate.
Kinda makes you wonder doesn't it?
Today's drug of choice is caffeine.
Okay, okay, okay, Coffee Snob Mark Prince, I may owe you an apology. But seeing as you are a coffee snob and didn't write in my forum, I wont apologize.
As you recommended, we went down to the J.J Bean place in Vancouver and got some green beans a while ago.
This morning Derek and I roasted our own beans and ground them and made coffee as per instructions on Mark Princes coffeegeek.com page. The coffee is amazingly flavorful.

Thanks for the tips.
Damn I love global warming.
The weather has been great lately.
I went for a trail ride by myself yesterday (Derek is sick) and had my first two crashes since I injured my back.
I have been taking it pretty easy for 4 months but yesterday it was too muddy to go slow. One of the crashes was pretty bad, catapulting over the handlebars into the bush, resulting in a little bit of a swollen ankle, but over all I survived.
I feel so relieved to finally get that stressful and inevitable "first crash after injury" over and done with. The longer you go without crashing the larger a monster it appears to be looming on your horizon.
Anyway, it's done and I didn't die, but needless to say I am a bit sore today.
Well This is a damn long journal entry (I think that's due to the coffee) so I will leave you today with this link. Definitely worth watching. Later.

I have been avoiding The Blog lately.
Still stuck in this creative quagmire.
It has metastasized into all areas of my life now. Causing everything from listless moping, mixed metaphors to bad hair.
I can't think of a thing to paint, or write or make.
Here, watch I will prove it:

A Haiku to ..... to....

Just A Goddamned Haiku

Somebody shoot me
please... something something something
fuck whatever

YOU SEE? The last line isn't even 5 syllables!
I am weaponless without my haikeese. This is awful.
I hope this doesn't last long.
I may have to do a VanGogh and cut of a body part.
Although it would have to be a very small body part. I'm quite squeamish. Would a fingernail clipping count do you think?
Well until I find my creativity again, here is the latest news:
Derek and I are moving to Langley. We are going to be living in a house with Derek's sister Erin and her boyfriend.
That's about it.
Later.

I hate being sick.
Chocolate doesn't taste quite as good, your head feels stuffy, chocolate doesn't taste quite as good.
I am having a little creative block today. You see, with this head cold, it's a bit difficult to think.
Also there is another problem.
It's basically William Gibsons fault. I read his journal again today and it's so damn fucking creative and brilliant and so what I really wanted mine to sound like. So now, nothing I write satisfies me. I'm feeling the urge to throw in words like verklempt, sideromancy, solivagacious just for the hell of it. When really all I have to write about today is snot, phlegm and tissue.
Also, There is yet another problem.
I got a nice e-mail from someone saying they laughed and my website. Now assuming they don't mean laugh in a mocking way, this adds yet more pressure.
I didn't know I was being funny! Now I have to actually think about being funny. It's just too much. Now I have creative block.
I think I need a nap. Lucky for me it's bedtime.
To the person that sent the nice e-mail:
Don't feel guilty about destroying my creativity and sabotaging my blog with your well intentioned e-mail. Really it's nothing that a little absinthe and hallucinogenic drugs wont fix.
And if that doesn't work there's always plagiarism....
Hey Everyone. How about we all stop going to William Gibsons site. He never has anything good to say anyway.
Later.

I read William Gibsons Blog this morning. If you don't know who William Gibson is, shame on you! Here is a link to his bio. He is one of my favorite authors
of all time and he doesn't watch tv, which just made him go up a notch in my estimation. In his bio he writes that he wastes all of his time on the internet
or he writes. So I was thinking, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to visit my site and comment in my blog. If you haven't read one of his books you really should.
As I was read his journal I was reminded of my initial intentions for my blog. I started out wanting a space for my words and thoughts to wander freely, to flow and to create word images, not necessarily to make sense or tell a story.
I wanted to have fun putting words together the same way that I play with putting colours together on a canvas. But it's difficult to do that when you know that people are reading. The only side of me that seems to come out in my
blogging is the British dry humor and sarcasm. I don't know if I will ever be able to really express myself in here but I am going to give it a try if you can all promise not to read any further entries.
I had a dream that I could fly last night. I love those dreams. This was an odd one in that in the dream I suddenly remembered that I used to be able to fly at one time but I had forgotten.
In the dream I trusted that I could still do it and I did. The funny thing is when I woke up, I really believed that I actually used to have the ability to fly at one time and I was tempted to leap into the air off the bed.
The other thing about the dream was that I was in a small cramped room and it was limiting me. There's one for all you psycho analysts out there.
Something else I will mention but not go into just yet is that there have been an awful lot of very bizarre coincidences lately. I will list them all in a later entry.
Also, in the news yesterday, they have confirmed that the speed of gravity is the same as the speed of light. I wonder if it travels in the same way that light travels.
Light travels at a constant speed relative to where you are, regardless of how fast or in which direction you are travelling. I love that, I love thinking about that.
I remember when I first heard that I said That's impossible! That means that if you were travelling fast, time would move slower than someone who is stationary, and that's impossible, time doesn't change!
But that in fact is exactly what does happen. The universe is a very cool place. Anyway, I must go. My bike is calling me. Later.